I almost got attacked by my puppy Helmet when I put my wig on the other day LOL. It was hilarious because he is so lazy and quiet, I’ve only heard him bark maybe 5 times since I’ve had him. I stood in my bedroom doorway with the wig on, Helmet slowly stands to all fours, flares his big ass shark teeth at me and just starts barking like CRAZY! I was seriously scared lmao. I took it off and he stood there looking all confused like “where’d the other bitch go?” haha. Love him.

We sat through a GOD AWFUL timeshare presentation to get some cheap show tickets lol. We saw Carrot Top, he is funny as hell. And at the very end he comes out almost naked, his body is fucking KILLER! But his face.. ehh.. that’s another story. I’d fuck him with a bag over his head though for sure. We also saw this show called Fantasy which has about 15 topless chicks dancing around for 2 hours. It was decent. Then we saw Lance Burton at the Monte Carlo who is a magician. Even though we had shitty balcony seats the show was pretty sweet. I wanted to see Cris Angel but he was on vacation the week we went

Another thing we got for sitting through the timeshare bullshit was a bunch of free passes to the hotel buffets. If you value your life.. please take my advice and stay AWAY from the Excalibur buffet. O M F G. It’s like $25 for the entire day and to be honest, I would have rather eaten dirty cigarrette butts from the sidewalk for lunch. The only thing edible was a pile of bananas. The next day we did the Luxor buffet which was a huge upgrade. But I’m not really a buffet person, I have never left any buffet thinking “WOW THAT WAS SO INCREDIBLY DELICIOUS I MUST EAT THERE AGAIN” so ya know. The last day we went to the MGM buffet which had all-you-can-eat crab legs. That made it worth it to me. But it was like $35 per person, so for two people after tax you’re looking at $70+ for a BUFFET dinner lol.

Let’s see.. we also saw the Bodies exhibit and the Titanic exhibit. Both were very cool. The bodies exhibit is a huge maze full of cadavers all cut up so you can see the human organs, bones, muscles, etc. The titanic exhibit was pretty much amazing. There are hundreds of artifacts displayed that were recovered from the ship. They also setup replicas of the rooms for 1st class, 2nd class and 3rd class. Before you enter, they give you a card with the name and story of one of the passengers and you find out at the end of the exhibit if you lived or died. It was very touching, I cried like a bitch

Oh and did you know Vegas has an entire 2 miles of road dedicated to bums? It’s pretty strange. We were just driving around downtown and all the sudden we see miles of tents setup alongside a chainlink fence. Some weren’t even tents, just a few bedsheets tied together like a fort. Poor Vegas bum village.

Anyways, I think it was a successful vacation. Make sure to check out my awesome photography depicting the above events

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So Friday night, Sara and I decided to head over The Wildcat House to drink/dance/whatever. During this time we consume various alcoholic beverages and I, in turn, got fucked the fuck up So Sara and I are out dancing on the floor, minding our own business, when this completely wasted girl comes up behind me.. drops it like its hot and then abruptly smacks my ass!! I was like W to the T to the F?! Do I know you drunk girl?! lol. So yeah that was fun. Then at like 2am we skee-dattle out to the parking lot and start walking to Sara’s car. I COULDN’T STOP TRIPPING!!!! LMAO.. I was like trying to tell some story and I would trip after ever 4 words! I was like “Yeah so then this *trips* guy calls up and says *trips* that hes gonna be *trips* late for some reason *trips* and then he…” You get the picture. Meanwhile Sara is laughing her ass off at me and I don’t even realize the fact that I am unable to walk and just keep going with my conversation like whatever lol.

THENNNNNNN we are almost to Sara’s car and this black bum is walking behind us going “excuuuuse me! excUUUUUUssseee me!” and we are ignoring him and finally he catches up to me and shoves his fucking hand in my face lmao.. and he goes “LOOKIE HEEYUH GIRL!! MY HAND BE BROKE AND I AIN’T GOT NO CHANGE FOR DA PAYPHONE YA HURD ME?!?” and he sticks his crooked ass broken ass disgusting ass hobo ass finger in MY FACEEEE lmaoo and Sara is like “Get in the car Chelsey” and I’m just a poor drunk blonde girl and all I say to him is ”sorry” and I start to get in the car and then he yells “FUCK YA’LL BITCHES THEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” LMAO!!!!!!! I was like “OMG LOCK THE DOORS!!!” Hahahahaha Sara and I were sitting in her car for like 10 minutes just laughing and repeating “FUCK YA’LL BITCHES THEN” like 800 times lmao.

Then we were driving home and Sara was trying to tell me a story about her and some guy and I’m so toasted I can’t really hold a conversation so after poor Sara spent an hour telling me this story I just go “…. well at least you didn’t put out….” lmao hence the myspace quote.

Yay for funny nights!!!

Oh and then yesterday I was at Kmart and found cute pants for $2.99 lol. Someone probably died in them but thats okay cuz they were $2.99. The end.

|^^^^^^^^^^^^^|
|Truck Full of Mexicans| ‘|”””;.., ___.
|_…_…______====|= _|__|…, ] |
“(@ )’(@ )””””*|(@ )(@ )*****(@

Sorry they have no insurance…looks like you’re screwed!

LMAO I got this comment on myspace a few days ago and thought it was the funniest shit ever. It’s especially funny if you live in Tucson. Speaking of that.. I found the most hilarous list of Tucson traffic pet peeves:

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Tu-son, not Tuck-sin.

40. You hate Phoenix and can give at least 10 reasons why.

Besides the extra web design work, life is chugging along as usual. My parents finally have their divorce settled this week, on Friday. I hope things go well for my dad, as we all know what a lying bitch my mom can be. I’m still not allowed to speak to or see my brother and sister. I assume that won’t change until they get older and can make their own decisions. They know I love them and will always be here waiting for them with open arms.

OH FUNNY STORY TIME!!!!!!!! So Mikey wikey decided that he wanted to camp out in front of best buy this morning to start a line for the PlayStation 3 which is released FRIDAY. Yes, today is Monday. That means he wants to wait 5 fucking days out in front of a store. Okay anyways.. so we go at 6am this morning to get my dad’s RV for him to have a place to shit in and whatnot, go and get him sodas and munchies for his ice chest, chairs, blankets, etc. We get to Best Buy and set everything up. I’m just about to drive off to work when this PRICK ASS FUCK HOLE employee of the store comes outside with a chip on his shoulder (because apparantly you are THE SHIT if you work at a deadend place like Best Buy making $6.50 an hour). He rudely tells us to get off “his private property” and that he would be calling the cops if we didn’t. I was like W to the T to the F?

Since getting arrested wasn’t on my morning agenda, we packed the ish up and took off. Mikey wikey is very sad. He is on the phone with Best Buy’s coorporate office as we speak, hahah. Good times.

Sara and I decided to hit this bar “Kon Tiki” Saturday night, one of the several hundred bars in Tucson mind you. So we sit down, order a couple Scorpions (best fucking drink ever), and start to conversate. Not even a full 20 seconds later, a famililar face peeps through the bamboo banister next to our table. It was none other then SARA’S EX FIANCE THAT SHE JUST BROKE IT OFF WITH ABOUT A MONTH AGO! Drunk off his ass nonetheless. Yeah.. akward much? He was like “OMG HI GUYS WOW I CANT BELIEVE YOURE HERE HAHAhahahHAHAhaHAHA” Sara was like wow go away lol. Poor little thing. 

About 15 minutes later the rest of our peoples’ arrive. One of which was Sara’s sister, Tammy. She was just coming from another party and was clearly shitfaced.. hilariously shitfaced. She was dancing around, tripping on herself, talking really loud.. yeah typical funny drunk girl, but I love her to death. About an hour later, Tammy decides she needs to pee. There was no way she could have gone to the restroom by herself, she would have come back with pee all over herself or something. So Sara started walking with her to the restrooms. On the way there, Tammy starts poking every person sitting up at the bar and laughing her ass off. She then proceeded to fall into one girl’s bar stool and get an entire alcoholic beverage in her hair. I made a diagram of the actual bar, thanks to Google, to assist your imaginations.

At this point, the bouncer was pissed. He said “You ladies are too intoxicated to be here, you need to leave.” So we got kicked out of the fucking bar! Tammy started to cry because that is what drunk girls do. I thought it was hilarious.

Since she didn’t turn 21 until midnight Saturday night, we had to occupy ourselves with stupid shit for a few hours. We played pool until about 11pm at Main Street (this pool hall that used to be cool – but now only reject emo losers hang out there). So finally midnight came around and we hit our first happy hour session. I had 2 long island iced teas and 1 big ass bloody mary.. they were only like $3 each, what the hell right?

That place got old fast.. so we went to this funny ass cowboy bar that I know my dad goes to with his buddies sometimes. So Sara and I were getting I.D.ed at the entrance when LOW AND BEHOLD I see my padre inside!! WOOHOO FREE DRINKS FOR CHELSEY!!!! That place was so fucking fun.. I don’t care how many hicks hit on me lol I had a blast. And my dad is so cool, I’m so glad we found him there. If some asshole fucks with me all I have to do is tell my daddy lol. I think Sara had a few too many shots of Tequila Rose shoved down her throat by the time we left.. but whatever they were free.

We were so fucked up lol. I drove the wrong way for like 10 minutes when I was driving HOME lmao. Wtf?! I was like “WHY AM I AT THE HIGHWAY?!!?!” Sara was like OMG “CHELSEYYYYYYYY YOU’RE TURNING INTO MEEEEEEEEEEE” lol because she is infamous for her bad directional sense. Good times.. good times.

 

Anyways, so I’m finishing up and preparing to flush, when I see this odd handwritten sign taped up on the wall.

Uh.. wtf? Please flush twice? lol ummmmmm alright. Can someone please explain the reasoning behind this “flushing twice” concept because it appeared that all of my pee went down with the first flush.