Bad-Behavior.com » Funny

Boo!

chels — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 18:33:09 +0000

It’s the last day of September.. which means my FAVORITE holiday ever is just around the corner! HALLOWEEN!!!!! It’s not even October yet and I already have my entire Halloween costume planned and purchased.. how pathetic I am :) This year I’m going as a devil. I bought this totally hot black and red wig (pictured to the left :P ), devil horns, devil tail, pitchfork.. the whole enchilada.

I almost got attacked by my puppy Helmet when I put my wig on the other day LOL. It was hilarious because he is so lazy and quiet, I’ve only heard him bark maybe 5 times since I’ve had him. I stood in my bedroom doorway with the wig on, Helmet slowly stands to all fours, flares his big ass shark teeth at me and just starts barking like CRAZY! I was seriously scared lmao. I took it off and he stood there looking all confused like “where’d the other bitch go?” haha. Love him.

Net Clothing

chels — Wed, 23 May 2007 21:57:51 +0000

I’m going to conduct an experiment. Wearing this to the bar on Friday night will automatically sort out the n00b guys from the L33t guys. Yes or no?

Crikey!

chels — Sat, 12 May 2007 04:40:09 +0000

This zookeeper had a fucked day, eh? Wouldn’t it be ironic if he had woken up that morning and said to himself “I’m so glad all of my limbs are in tact! Thank you limbs!” :lol:

Funny ass night lmao

chels — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 22:19:05 +0000

I had the funniest night ever in the history of funny nights!

So Friday night, Sara and I decided to head over The Wildcat House to drink/dance/whatever. During this time we consume various alcoholic beverages and I, in turn, got fucked the fuck up So Sara and I are out dancing on the floor, minding our own business, when this completely wasted girl comes up behind me.. drops it like its hot and then abruptly smacks my ass!! I was like W to the T to the F?! Do I know you drunk girl?! lol. So yeah that was fun. Then at like 2am we skee-dattle out to the parking lot and start walking to Sara’s car. I COULDN’T STOP TRIPPING!!!! LMAO.. I was like trying to tell some story and I would trip after ever 4 words! I was like “Yeah so then this *trips* guy calls up and says *trips* that hes gonna be *trips* late for some reason *trips* and then he…” You get the picture. Meanwhile Sara is laughing her ass off at me and I don’t even realize the fact that I am unable to walk and just keep going with my conversation like whatever lol.

THENNNNNNN we are almost to Sara’s car and this black bum is walking behind us going “excuuuuse me! excUUUUUUssseee me!” and we are ignoring him and finally he catches up to me and shoves his fucking hand in my face lmao.. and he goes “LOOKIE HEEYUH GIRL!! MY HAND BE BROKE AND I AIN’T GOT NO CHANGE FOR DA PAYPHONE YA HURD ME?!?” and he sticks his crooked ass broken ass disgusting ass hobo ass finger in MY FACEEEE lmaoo and Sara is like “Get in the car Chelsey” and I’m just a poor drunk blonde girl and all I say to him is ”sorry” and I start to get in the car and then he yells “FUCK YA’LL BITCHES THEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” LMAO!!!!!!! I was like “OMG LOCK THE DOORS!!!” Hahahahaha Sara and I were sitting in her car for like 10 minutes just laughing and repeating “FUCK YA’LL BITCHES THEN” like 800 times lmao.

Then we were driving home and Sara was trying to tell me a story about her and some guy and I’m so toasted I can’t really hold a conversation so after poor Sara spent an hour telling me this story I just go “…. well at least you didn’t put out….” lmao hence the myspace quote.

Yay for funny nights!!!

Oh and then yesterday I was at Kmart and found cute pants for $2.99 lol. Someone probably died in them but thats okay cuz they were $2.99. The end.

Truck full of mexicans!!!

chels — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 18:30:43 +0000

OH NO! YOU’VE BEEN HIT BY THE:

|^^^^^^^^^^^^^|
|Truck Full of Mexicans| ‘|”””;.., ___.
|_…_…______====|= _|__|…, ] |
“(@ )’(@ )””””*|(@ )(@ )*****(@

Sorry they have no insurance…looks like you’re screwed!

LMAO I got this comment on myspace a few days ago and thought it was the funniest shit ever. It’s especially funny if you live in Tucson. Speaking of that.. I found the most hilarous list of Tucson traffic pet peeves:

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Tu-son, not Tuck-sin.

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Tucson has its own version of traffic rules…hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a dangerous, high-speed chase in Tucson. They all drive like that.

3. All directions start with, “Go down to Ina Rd.”… Which has no beginning and no end.

4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic a “Scenic Drive.”

5. The morning rush hour is from 7:00 – 10:00 am. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 – 7:00 pm. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning.

6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. When you are the first one off of the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid getting into any cross-traffic’s way.

7. La Cholla Road and La Canada Road can only be pronounced by a native.

8. Construction on I-10, Cortaro Farms Rd., and near the University of Arizona is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.

9. All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, “Oh, we must be in Tucson!!!”

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a defect.

11. All old ladies with blue hair in pink Cadillacs have total right-of-way.

12. The minimum acceptable speed on I-10 is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

13. The wrought iron on windows in south Tucson is NOT ornamental.

14. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, “Keep honking, I’m reloading.” In fact, don’t honk or look at anyone.

15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 60-mph zone people are not waving when they go by.

16. Sunrise Rd/Skyline Dr./Ina Rd. is our daily version of NASCAR (and all the same road by the way).

17. There are three Magee Rd.’s in Tucson, and in some places, one of them is called Cortaro, try not to be confused.

18. If you speed in Oro Valley, you WILL get pulled over and you will pay for the rest of your life!

20. One Hardy Rd. is a safe normal road. The other will take you on the edge of a dirt cliff with no guard rail and no way to turn around. Be careful which one you get on!

21. If you are driving and you keep seeing Nico’s Taco Shop, you are not going in circles, there is in fact one on every corner.

22. There are no freeways running through Tucson, just the I-10 to the West, so always expect about a 45-minute drive to go anywhere.

23. If you get pulled over by a cop, make sure it is a real cop and not a gang initiation with fake lights because you will be shot.

24. Drive 45 minutes South and you will hit the Mexico border…turn around, Nogales is nothing special at all!

25. Tangerine Rd. will make you car sick…very bumpy, and lots of dips.

26. The intersection at Oracle and Ina is considered one of the most dangerous intersections in the southwest United States.

27. If the temperature is less than 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next week.

28. If you get a flat, do not ask ANYONE for help. Call AAA and lock your doors.

29. Bored teenagers in Tucson drive around for fun, weird, but watch out.

30. “Cruising Speedway” is a form of entertainment. If you are bored, drive down Speedway for a couple of hours and keep making U-Turns at Wilmot and Alvernon by the Empress Strip Club. Hopefully you will find it exhilarting too. :-)

31. Grant Rd. has been nicknamed “Suicide Lane.” During certain hours of the day, the middle turn lane thingy allows traffic going different ways. Some hours it goes East, some hours it goes West, and other hours it is merely a turning lane. Make sure you know the hours or follow signs so you are not in head-on traffic.Smart, huh?

32. campbell is one of those roads that has no beginning and no end. if you drive down it you will come across over 1000 resturaunts.

33. You remember when the suicide lanes were still actually suicide lanes, and you know what times they changed back and forth.

34. You navigate by a mountain range (ex. the Catalinas for North).

35. You see air force jets more often than you see wild animals.

36. You know not to leave trash where the javelinas can find it.

37. You never need to check the weather because it never really changes.

38. You’ve seen (or put up) Christmas lights on cacti.

39. You know that there’s no sand in the real desert, just dirt and cacti and some shrubs.

40. You hate Phoenix and can give at least 10 reasons why.

The Rebirth of Chels

chels — Mon, 13 Nov 2006 19:50:23 +0000

I AM STILL ALIVE I PROMISE! I’ve been hard at work though, fuck. I just finished up my latest project, http://cassitavip.com which I think is my funkiest design yet, so go check it out por favor!!

Besides the extra web design work, life is chugging along as usual. My parents finally have their divorce settled this week, on Friday. I hope things go well for my dad, as we all know what a lying bitch my mom can be. I’m still not allowed to speak to or see my brother and sister. I assume that won’t change until they get older and can make their own decisions. They know I love them and will always be here waiting for them with open arms.

OH FUNNY STORY TIME!!!!!!!! So Mikey wikey decided that he wanted to camp out in front of best buy this morning to start a line for the PlayStation 3 which is released FRIDAY. Yes, today is Monday. That means he wants to wait 5 fucking days out in front of a store. Okay anyways.. so we go at 6am this morning to get my dad’s RV for him to have a place to shit in and whatnot, go and get him sodas and munchies for his ice chest, chairs, blankets, etc. We get to Best Buy and set everything up. I’m just about to drive off to work when this PRICK ASS FUCK HOLE employee of the store comes outside with a chip on his shoulder (because apparantly you are THE SHIT if you work at a deadend place like Best Buy making $6.50 an hour). He rudely tells us to get off “his private property” and that he would be calling the cops if we didn’t. I was like W to the T to the F?

Since getting arrested wasn’t on my morning agenda, we packed the ish up and took off. Mikey wikey is very sad. He is on the phone with Best Buy’s coorporate office as we speak, hahah. Good times.

I love alcohol

chels — Tue, 22 Aug 2006 16:13:44 +0000

Since my site was hacked and I couldn’t blog last weekend, I must now go into my funniest drunken story yet-to-date.

Sara and I decided to hit this bar “Kon Tiki” Saturday night, one of the several hundred bars in Tucson mind you. So we sit down, order a couple Scorpions (best fucking drink ever), and start to conversate. Not even a full 20 seconds later, a famililar face peeps through the bamboo banister next to our table. It was none other then SARA’S EX FIANCE THAT SHE JUST BROKE IT OFF WITH ABOUT A MONTH AGO! Drunk off his ass nonetheless. Yeah.. akward much? He was like “OMG HI GUYS WOW I CANT BELIEVE YOURE HERE HAHAhahahHAHAhaHAHA” Sara was like wow go away lol. Poor little thing.

About 15 minutes later the rest of our peoples’ arrive. One of which was Sara’s sister, Tammy. She was just coming from another party and was clearly shitfaced.. hilariously shitfaced. She was dancing around, tripping on herself, talking really loud.. yeah typical funny drunk girl, but I love her to death. About an hour later, Tammy decides she needs to pee. There was no way she could have gone to the restroom by herself, she would have come back with pee all over herself or something. So Sara started walking with her to the restrooms. On the way there, Tammy starts poking every person sitting up at the bar and laughing her ass off. She then proceeded to fall into one girl’s bar stool and get an entire alcoholic beverage in her hair. I made a diagram of the actual bar, thanks to Google, to assist your imaginations.

At this point, the bouncer was pissed. He said “You ladies are too intoxicated to be here, you need to leave.” So we got kicked out of the fucking bar! Tammy started to cry because that is what drunk girls do. I thought it was hilarious.

Please Flush Twice

chels — Mon, 26 Jun 2006 16:58:38 +0000

So I was at a fancy shmancy asian dining establishment over the weekend, and naturally, the time came to which I felt the urge to urinate. I proceeded to make my way into the large handicap stall, which I always do. Fuck wheelchair people.. they ususally have peebags anyways. Plus the normal-sized stalls are so freakin small. I always have to do a Turkish voodoo dance to get out of the bastards.

Anyways, so I’m finishing up and preparing to flush, when I see this odd handwritten sign taped up on the wall.

Uh.. wtf? Please flush twice? lol ummmmmm alright. Can someone please explain the reasoning behind this “flushing twice” concept because it appeared that all of my pee went down with the first flush.