Okay enough boring talk. Here are some recent pictures from a night kicking it VIP at Club Pearl (a ‘vegas style’ club in Tucson) and a night out on 4th Avenue (the best bar hopping street in Tucson).

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I drank more Friday night then I have in sooooooo long. 10 beers + 1 shot = drunk chelsey. I almost face-planted the ground so many times. Mike was driving us home at about 4am and I randomly decided that I wanted Jack in the Box (that is a 24 hour burger joint for you east coasters). We are in the drive through and I ordered a chicken fajita pita.. SO GOOD.. and an iced tea. Mike thought it would be simply hilariousssss to pull my boob out of my top before we get to the window. So the poor chump that was stuck working the drive-through at 4am got a little perk. So they handed me my tea and I take a sip and SPEWWWWW it out the window. It was so fucking gross.. I’ve tasted baby gravy that wasn’t as repulsive as that. I order the bitch to give me Dr. Pepper instead! Meanwhile.. a black bum looking guy rides up on his bicycle and starts talking to me through my car window. I was like “Is this really happening? Am I having hobo hallucenations?” SO ANYWAYS.. Mike tells the bum to scram.. they get my drink.. and all I could keep saying over and over was “WOWWWWW THEY GOT MY DRINK SOOOOOOO FAST!!!!!” lol.. yeah I don’t know.

Okay so then Monday night (even though I had to work the next day) 7 or 8 of us met up at Kon Tiki, which is a bar I got kicked out of about a year ago They closed at 12am which was gay because we were still in party mode. The only places open till 2am on a Monday night.. STRIP CLUBS!! We then embarked on our journey to the most glorious facility known to man. I had never been to a female strip club before so I was totally excited. We walk inside and I am totally love-drunk from the black lights and austin powers looking chairs!! WEEEEEE!! I was totally content with just watching and hanging out.. but nooooooo SOMEONE had to buy me a lapdance. This chick was pulling my shirt down and licking my neck and she got lipstick on my WHITE TOP!!!!! FUCKING BITCH!!!!!! There goes your tip hoebag.

All in all, awesome weekend.

So Friday night, Sara and I decided to head over The Wildcat House to drink/dance/whatever. During this time we consume various alcoholic beverages and I, in turn, got fucked the fuck up So Sara and I are out dancing on the floor, minding our own business, when this completely wasted girl comes up behind me.. drops it like its hot and then abruptly smacks my ass!! I was like W to the T to the F?! Do I know you drunk girl?! lol. So yeah that was fun. Then at like 2am we skee-dattle out to the parking lot and start walking to Sara’s car. I COULDN’T STOP TRIPPING!!!! LMAO.. I was like trying to tell some story and I would trip after ever 4 words! I was like “Yeah so then this *trips* guy calls up and says *trips* that hes gonna be *trips* late for some reason *trips* and then he…” You get the picture. Meanwhile Sara is laughing her ass off at me and I don’t even realize the fact that I am unable to walk and just keep going with my conversation like whatever lol.

THENNNNNNN we are almost to Sara’s car and this black bum is walking behind us going “excuuuuse me! excUUUUUUssseee me!” and we are ignoring him and finally he catches up to me and shoves his fucking hand in my face lmao.. and he goes “LOOKIE HEEYUH GIRL!! MY HAND BE BROKE AND I AIN’T GOT NO CHANGE FOR DA PAYPHONE YA HURD ME?!?” and he sticks his crooked ass broken ass disgusting ass hobo ass finger in MY FACEEEE lmaoo and Sara is like “Get in the car Chelsey” and I’m just a poor drunk blonde girl and all I say to him is ”sorry” and I start to get in the car and then he yells “FUCK YA’LL BITCHES THEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” LMAO!!!!!!! I was like “OMG LOCK THE DOORS!!!” Hahahahaha Sara and I were sitting in her car for like 10 minutes just laughing and repeating “FUCK YA’LL BITCHES THEN” like 800 times lmao.

Then we were driving home and Sara was trying to tell me a story about her and some guy and I’m so toasted I can’t really hold a conversation so after poor Sara spent an hour telling me this story I just go “…. well at least you didn’t put out….” lmao hence the myspace quote.

Yay for funny nights!!!

Oh and then yesterday I was at Kmart and found cute pants for $2.99 lol. Someone probably died in them but thats okay cuz they were $2.99. The end.

beer bong 3
beer bong 2

Sara and I decided to hit this bar “Kon Tiki” Saturday night, one of the several hundred bars in Tucson mind you. So we sit down, order a couple Scorpions (best fucking drink ever), and start to conversate. Not even a full 20 seconds later, a famililar face peeps through the bamboo banister next to our table. It was none other then SARA’S EX FIANCE THAT SHE JUST BROKE IT OFF WITH ABOUT A MONTH AGO! Drunk off his ass nonetheless. Yeah.. akward much? He was like “OMG HI GUYS WOW I CANT BELIEVE YOURE HERE HAHAhahahHAHAhaHAHA” Sara was like wow go away lol. Poor little thing. 

About 15 minutes later the rest of our peoples’ arrive. One of which was Sara’s sister, Tammy. She was just coming from another party and was clearly shitfaced.. hilariously shitfaced. She was dancing around, tripping on herself, talking really loud.. yeah typical funny drunk girl, but I love her to death. About an hour later, Tammy decides she needs to pee. There was no way she could have gone to the restroom by herself, she would have come back with pee all over herself or something. So Sara started walking with her to the restrooms. On the way there, Tammy starts poking every person sitting up at the bar and laughing her ass off. She then proceeded to fall into one girl’s bar stool and get an entire alcoholic beverage in her hair. I made a diagram of the actual bar, thanks to Google, to assist your imaginations.

At this point, the bouncer was pissed. He said “You ladies are too intoxicated to be here, you need to leave.” So we got kicked out of the fucking bar! Tammy started to cry because that is what drunk girls do. I thought it was hilarious.

Since she didn’t turn 21 until midnight Saturday night, we had to occupy ourselves with stupid shit for a few hours. We played pool until about 11pm at Main Street (this pool hall that used to be cool – but now only reject emo losers hang out there). So finally midnight came around and we hit our first happy hour session. I had 2 long island iced teas and 1 big ass bloody mary.. they were only like $3 each, what the hell right?

That place got old fast.. so we went to this funny ass cowboy bar that I know my dad goes to with his buddies sometimes. So Sara and I were getting I.D.ed at the entrance when LOW AND BEHOLD I see my padre inside!! WOOHOO FREE DRINKS FOR CHELSEY!!!! That place was so fucking fun.. I don’t care how many hicks hit on me lol I had a blast. And my dad is so cool, I’m so glad we found him there. If some asshole fucks with me all I have to do is tell my daddy lol. I think Sara had a few too many shots of Tequila Rose shoved down her throat by the time we left.. but whatever they were free.

We were so fucked up lol. I drove the wrong way for like 10 minutes when I was driving HOME lmao. Wtf?! I was like “WHY AM I AT THE HIGHWAY?!!?!” Sara was like OMG “CHELSEYYYYYYYY YOU’RE TURNING INTO MEEEEEEEEEEE” lol because she is infamous for her bad directional sense. Good times.. good times.